How to deal with constant over-thinking using mindfulness
Do you tend to get caught up in the same patterns of thinking? Maybe it’s planning your next coaching or sales call, perhaps dreaming of that next client or churning over your endless to-do list. Sometimes you find yourself overthinking every little thing. It can suck so much of your time. It can be frustrating and stressful, especially when you still can’t make a decision or solve your problem, no matter how much headspace it takes up. In this post, I’ll be explaining why our minds like to go down these annoying rabbit holes and how to let go of overthinking using mindfulness skills.
Why your goal setting could be adding to your overthinking
When I ask my clients why they became a coach, often it’s because they have had coaching themselves, and it turned their life around. They are then inspired to change the lives of others! They love a goal, and they see it through (most of the time). Is this you?
When you sit down with your clients, you work out where they are now, where they want to be and set goals to achieve them, and if you’re a good coach (no doubt you are), you can get some fantastic results.
When we turn our minds to goal-setting, we are in ‘doing’ mode of mind. In this mode of mind, we are registering the gap between how things are now and how we want or don’t want them to be. In simpler terms, we want to move towards what we want and move away from what we don’t want. This could look like setting a goal of irregular posting on social media towards consistently posting 3 times a week or, it could look like feeling stressed before a sales call and wanting to feel more confident.
Photo credit: Photo by Polina Zimmerman
The problem with setting goals
It makes sense that doing mode of mind is helpful. It gets stuff done right? It means you can achieve what you want, improve your skills, and have a successful business! You are also encouraging your clients to do the same – it’s your job! You see a gap, and you want to close it.
There is a caveat to this though. When you are in doing mode, your mind is configured in a way that keeps on trying to fill the gap or fix the problem until it is resolved. It can be very persistent, and this is when you start to overthink. You may be able to distract yourself temporarily by starting a new task on your to-do list or taking a break from your desk, but your mind goes back to the issue as soon you give it a bit of space.
Have you ever been for a walk, in nature only to find yourself lost in your to-do list or planning your next calls rather than enjoying the break? It’s helpful if the thing you are planning during your walk gives you the ideas and inspiration you can put straight into action when you get back to your desk e.g. ideas for a newsletter or a proposal you need to write. In this case, the goal is impersonal and external to us. When you get the ideas, you complete your task, and you can move on to the next.
Doing mode can become more of a problem when the gap you are trying to fill is personal and internal, e.g. trying to be a better coach, wishing you were more confident, or comparing yourself to your peers etc. In these situations, your mind is trying to fix a problem that’s impossible to resolve by thinking about it. Emotions and feelings are not problems to be fixed; they are experiences to be processed. In this case, the mind keeps churning over the ‘problem’ with no exit route.
But don’t worry, it doesn’t just apply to coaches, you are not alone. Research shows 73% of all 25 - 35-year-olds and 52% of 45 - 55-year-olds overthink.
Putting on the pressure to achieve your goals.
Something else to watch out for when you are in doing mode of mind, is the way that you talk to yourself. Doing mode can very easily tip from healthy planning to a sense of pressure to get it done. Do you ever tell yourself that you ‘should’, ‘need to’, ‘have to’, must’…? This happens when you strive towards what you want and away from what you don’t want. When you put this kind of pressure on yourself to resolve your problems, you can lose perspective of what’s actually going on and start to see things in black and white. “If I can’t calm down, this coaching session is going to be disastrous!”.
Also, when you start using these pressurised words to push you into getting things done or get things perfect, it can also mean having an all-round sense of dissatisfaction with what’s here in front of you. Today, right now, is not good enough. Your thoughts are either in the past or the future, and they can be very convincing! Thoughts appear to be facts!
“Overthinking will not empower you over things that are beyond your control. So, let it be if it is meant to be and cherish the moment.” – Mahsati A.
How to take control of your overthinking with mindfulness. Moving from doing to being.
Knowing how your mind works is the first step to controlling it, and you can do this by practising mindfulness. Mindfulness works by training your mind in awareness and attention skills. This means waking up when your mind is overthinking and intentionally moving your attention to your senses. Tuning into your direct sensations is called ‘being’ mode. An example of this might be when you find yourself getting wrapped up in a mistake. You can choose instead to sense your feet on the floor or tune into your breath. You learn to see it quickly and let it go before you lose time, energy and confidence going down a rabbit hole of overthinking.
You can practice noticing thoughts and moving your attention in meditation. I have one here if you want to try it Tame your Tame your inner critic critic. The more you are able to do this in a safe and concentrated place, the easier it will become to move your attention away from overthinking and back to your work when you’re not meditating. I also want to point out here that this is not the same as distracting yourself from your thinking. In fact, it is quite the opposite. By practising regularly, you are learning to turn towards your overthinking and stress and allow your body to process your feelings rather than the mind.
If you found this blog helpful, you may also like:
A guide to feeling more confident as a coach or A coach’s secret to taming the inner critic
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